“Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place” (Just Be Held, Casting Crowns, 2014)
(Listen to the whole song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIZitK6_IMQ&sns=em )
No idea how many times I’ve heard this song, but this week it’s really hit home for me- and I’m making it my anthem for this new year. After 29 months of disappointment and heartache, I’m trying harder than ever to let go. Constantly reminding myself that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be and will have exactly the family that God has planned for us.
The best thing I can think to do going forward is to keep my heart open to new. A new year. New focus. Getting back to the happier version of my self. Being better. Accepting that none of this is the plan I envisioned for my family. Accepting that God is in control, and this is His plan. I believe whole-heartedly that this desire I have is from Him, and will be fulfilled- though it (clearly) isn’t the timeline I would have chosen, and may not even come about in the way I would have ever dreamed.
God’s plan for our family is different than mine, but it is far better.
This week we’re headed into our 3rd IUI. In my heart of course I’m hoping that “the 3rd time’s the charm”, but we also had to sit down and seriously discuss the possibility of it not.
With no help from insurance (pretty sure I’ve expressed that frustration before…) these cycles are not cheap. And anyone who has spent some time with Google knows the odds are far from a sure thing. After an emotional dinner conversation (my husband’s very favorite kind of discussion…) we made the decision to stop fertility treatments if we haven’t achieved pregnancy after a 4th IUI. It’s both terrifying and liberating to have an end in place like that.
I have no idea what is ahead for us this year- but I know if I just let go and focus on trust, He will carry us through. Giving us the strength to press on if things don’t go our way, and guiding us into new territory if we are led down an entirely new path.
ReidTheStoryAsWeGo 